Let it be known

Today, February 27, 2013 was a low point.

It's going to get better from here.

In case you missed it...

...This is a blog about parenthood.

Consider yourself warned.





Parenthood is very 'in' now. I think because smart, funny, women started having kids so now pop culture is filled with smart, funny commentaries on parenthood. And everyone is all like, "Here's what they don't tell you!---You shit on yourself! Breastfeeding is really weird! Afterbirth!"

All is fun and games, and you're like, "Hey, that's cool, but that's not going to be my experience."

I did this with the one thing that people casually mentioned mothers might deal with after giving birth, which is: bladder control.

Oh can I tell you the horror stories that people have told me--peeing when you sneeze, peeing when you run,  peen when you--Okay you get the point.

And I was like, oh, that's not really going to happen to me, I'm young, I'm fit, my muscles will bounce back.

So life is good. It's been five years, I sometimes pee a little if I'm sneezing and walking somewhere very quickly, but for the most part, I've been good. (I know, you were really wondering.)

UNTIL MONDAY.

Monday was a teacher work day, so I took Lena to Defy Gravity!, which is this awesome trampoline place where the entire floors are trampolines and you just jump the whole time and then freak out that your five year old will get run down by a preteen, but it was somuchfun.

Now, I have not jumped on a large trampoline since before becoming pregnant. After three big jumps to get myself going in the air pretty high, I get this feeling...and then think to myself midair, ohhhh shit..

Of course I really should have thought "oh pee!"

Ba dum chhh.

Jumping!! On trampolines!!!

The worst of it is, ever since then I've been, how do I say this kindly...leaking more. Like parents do.

Parenthood is awesome. Taking Lena to a trampoline place was a blast, I jumped like I haven't jumped in a long time. My arms(?) where inexplicably sore the next day. Afterwards we went to Rise, and got a donut snack and biscuits for lunch. And I would love to say something super gross and poetic about how every bit of leaky pee that comes out reminds me that I am a mother, but that is just too ridiculous. Being a mother reminds me that I am a mother, and that is still the coolest thing in the world.

(The second coolest thing in the world--or rather, tied for first coolest thing in the world is that I am going to grad school in the fall. I'm going to be a grad student!! Which is also very important but apparently not as important as telling the internet that I've been peeing myself lately.)

Backseat doctor

Driving in the car today:

Lena: Mommy, my eyes hurt.
Me: Then close them, sweet pea.
Lena: But then I can't play Temple Run.
Me: Then I'm sorry sweets, I can't help you.
L: Because you are not a doctor, or a....an octopus.
M: An octopus?
L: Yeah.
M: You mean, and optometrist?
L: No, an octopus, because you only have two arms, and you would need more to help me.


Of course.

on learning to read

I had to drive to and from Raleigh twice this week for grad interviews, and as much as I hate traffic and highway driving, I actually really like commuting. That is, being alone for a period of time before starting my day. I can do things like sing really loudly to the Les Mis soundtrack and talk to myself.

This morning I was thinking about L learning to read. More specifically, I was thinking of a song that my friend Wes made up while teaching kids to read.

He made up this song, for vowel sounds. (Sung to the tune of "Lollipop" by Lil' Wayne.)

Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah says the short A
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah says the short A
Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay says the long A
Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay says the long A

I can learn my vowels
I sing them out loud
A-E-I-O-U
You know what to do
You can sing them too.

Okay so this is genius, and you repeat the song for all the vowels, and it's great for getting reluctant readers to remember the vowel sounds, but the song is fairly salacious, and what if I teach Lena this vowel song and then she realizes one day that it's about...well, you can figure it out for yourself. (The original lyrics for those not in the know are lick-lick-lick-lick-lick it like a lollipop.)


**


Lena really has started to grasp the whole letters and sounds thing. Which is great! I am pro-literacy. Except now all our conversations go something like this.

"Lena can you please put forks on the table?"
"Fuh-fuh-fuh-forks."

"Lena, do you want Nana to read to you next?"
"Na-na-na-na-nana."

"Lena, can I wash your hair?"
"Huh-huh-huh-hair."

I luh-luh-love this kid, but I'm not sure I can survive her learning to read.