epic

This was a momentous week. First day of kindergarten, first week of graduate school.

This also happened to be the most traumatic week of my life. 

Let's start with the good.

Nana and pops couldn't stay away on the first day of school. They came to visit us at the bus stop. The bus was 20 minutes late, but, whatever, we're rolling with it.  

L won't take a serious picture with me. 

The good kind of ends there. L had a great first day of school, except at 5 o'clock, as I'm leaving school to go pick her up at afterschool, I get a call from the bus driver, who has reached the last stop on her route, and still has Lena left on the bus.

...

The short of it, Lena is ok, she was always safe (however unaccounted for for two hours), but I put on my mama-bear skin and went to go fuck some shit up at the school. Not really. I was super pissed (obviously), but I decided instead of playing the "How the FUCK did you lose my kid" card, I played the "I'm a single parent, I'm just trying to get by, and oh by the way I am really good at crying" card. That card worked awesomely I am happy to report, and I got to meet the principal of L's school. 

The second day of kindergarten was an operation.

Pops met us at the bus stop. I texted Nana when she got on the bus, and while I headed off to school, Nana headed over to the school to make sure Lena got to her class ok, and to remind the teachers that she goes to afterschool. The texts we went each other all day were hilarious. "Package is on the bus" "package was delivered" we would be an awesome secret service team. When I picked her up today I sent the message "BABY IS IN THE NEST. REPEAT: BABY IS IN THE NEST."

She's not really a baby anymore though, is she. 

OH, so the next thing that happened:

Lena had the most epic of all nosebleeds. It lasted twenty minutes and thank goodness I had a friend to capture this occasion. "Remember when..." Mikey was a rockstar, Lena was a rockstar, but twenty goddamn minutes?? This seemed way too long for a nosebleed. Also apparently you are supposed to pinch the nose that entire time. And keep your head forward. And if you do get any blood in your mouth, spit, don't swallow. (heh.)

This is not to even mention my first week, which was so amazing, humbling and exciting. I love my new lab, I love my classes, I love the opportunities that I'm going to have here. I'm thinking a ton about everything. I want to write a post about computer science and Anna Karenina. How I programmed a turtle to draw a spiral. How I'm reading so many papers and things are just starting to click into place. It is very, very cool. 

It's also really hard. In ways that I didn't actually expect. It's hard because I think, on some level, I do want it all. 

Over the summer, I had to 'sneak out' at 5 every day to get Lena. I dreaded this every single day. I was always the first to leave, and even if I had been there before 9 in the morning, I just felt absolutely horrible about it. Like I wasn't doing enough. And I was embarrassed, so I would sneak around my PI's door like a chump. 

Now, I actually feel the same way. I'm dreading leaving at 5. Because I am having a really, really good time and I don't want to leave. I didn't expect to feel like this. It's really really awesome. But, it's all awesome, really.