found in country

I was talking to Julian about searching for things on the internet when you don't know what they're called, and sometimes the internet totally follows through. For instance, "red bugs on cement wall", which I think the urban legend is that they are chiggers but they are really harmless clover bugs! I told L this and she was like, "But why are they on walls." And...I had no answer for that. Google says they eat clover, isn't that enough??

Children dude. Keeping us curious. Also this is totally one of those moments that my dad will cite as "Rachael does not have a curious scientific mind, and Lena is way better." Because I did not ask why the clover bugs were on the cement walls in the first place. And so.

ANYWAY,

so I read this poem a million (read: at least 8) years ago. And I remembered really liking it. And about once a year, I try to find it on the internet. All I remember is that it's about Vietnam, it has the phrase "In country" (which is a really ubiquitous phrase about the Vietnam war, I have subsequently found) and I think it's by a guy named Bill. Oh and there's this crazy image of an old lady, and what I imagine to be yellow teeth.

So I google it, all variations of "In country" "bill" "poem" "vietnam" "yellow teeth", and I have never found it.

Until today. Talking about this with Julian, I google it one last time just for funsies.

and.

I find it.

This is crazy!! This is the internet!! And it's not quite how I remembered it. There are no yellow teeth, but there is an image of an old lady, and a harrowing last line.




IN COUNTRY



Fireblass blink
on Bien Hoa airstrip.
My bladder aches and I’m afraid,
but the Swedish girls says, “Stay put;
the seat belt sign is on,”
and pokes out the overhead light.
I can smell her mix
of tension and perfume,
feel the splash of woman hair
against my face
one last time.

We circle, descend, circle,
then it’s morning,
then it’s real
MP’s rout us
off the Northwest Orient
into a furnace
of burning shit and JP4.
“Run, run,” they shout,
“Run, run. You’ll miss the bus.
You’ll miss the bus to Long Bien.”

Mama-sans,
heads wrapped in old cloth,
lean against wooden posts and yawn.
One drags a broom
In front of the banner,
WELCOME TO IV CORPS,
and turns to look
but I look away.
I didn't know death
had such lively eyes.



Bill Bauer