I applied to PhD programs this past fall. Because I really want to go to graduate school for the biological sciences. I've been working in a lab the past three years, and I love it. I love the technical work. I love thinking about my projects. In the past year I've started to have my own ideas. I've written a paper, I've written a fellowship proposal. I had someone tell me that my fellowship proposal probably wouldn't work, and I really didn't understand what I was talking about.
This was the best feeling in the world.
Real scientists were taking me seriously. And I was learning, and it was exciting, and thrilling, and hard but so much fun.
So I figured finally graduate school was the right thing for me.
I applied, and my list waxed and waned from the summer until the fall. Originally I thought “Wheee! Everywhere!” and then I sort of came to the realization that what was the real likelihood of me moving to New Mexico because of some wackadoodle interdisciplinary science Phd program. See also, Colorado, Tennessee, Washington, New York City, Palo Alto, and San Diego.
My final list included Berkeley, UCLA, UNC, duke, and NC State.
Berkeley was an outright rejection. (Their loss!) (But Abby Dernburg, called one of my letter writers about me! See: real scientists are taking me seriously!) (Just not the admissions committee.)
UCLA I haven’t heard back from, so I’m pretty sure I’m not going to.
UNC, duke and State all called me within a month of me submitting my applications, and asked me for interviews.
I had a lot of fun at UNC’s and State’s interviews, and by the time I interviewed at State I had gotten my acceptance from UNC, and I was excited. I was definitely going somewhere for grad school, and UNC--at the very least--was perfect for me. Lena’s in Chapel Hill Carrboro City Schools, there are a bunch of new faculty that I’m excited about, it would be great to have a bunch of people ‘looking out for me’...I was happy about the prospect of attending UNC-CH (or State, still, at this point) as a phd student.
Until I interviewed at duke.
Just in case you are not aware, there is a huge rivalry between UNC and duke. And as someone who both grew up in Chapel Hill and attended UNC as an undergraduate, I pretty much can’t even look at dark blue without cringing and trying to suppress the automatic hatred for the person wearing those colors. Only recently has it occurred to me that this must be what being in a cult feels like. So I went into my duke interview with a healthy bias against them. Because duke is the root of all evil, and the baby blue runs strong through my veins.
So I was just as surprised as anyone when I done with the first full day of interviews thinking to myself, I belong here.
It just felt so right. The interviews were tough, intense, but fun. I had so much fun. And it was everything. It was the science, but even more, it was the place. I loved my student host, how enthusiastic she was about her science, how seriously she treated being a student. I’m ready to treat being a student seriously. I’m not just going to grad school because I want to go to grad school, I want to go to grad school to work really hard, learn a ton, and get my phd.
The one thing I didn't expect to experience was how good it felt just walking around the campus. I've never really spent any serious time on duke’s campus (see: root of all evil) and it was beautiful. It was also really fun just walking around somewhere new. And I didn't know that my body was craving that newness. The--not recognizing every barista at the coffee shop feeling. The--not seeing someone that knew you when you had braces feeling. I have so many wonderful wonderful memories from Chapel Hill and UNC, but there’s also a fair amount of not fun ones. The heartbreaks. The embarrassing moments. Things I’m ashamed of. And duke has none of that. I just...I didn't realize how much I wanted to be in a new place. To have a fresh start.
And to my parents, my wonderful wonderful parents--who are so happy when I am happy--which in the past five years has not been a given, are so proud of me for choosing to attend duke university. Because it is the right place for me. Because in the end it was the easiest decision I have ever made in my entire life. And even though my mom has banned any duke paraphernalia from entering her house, they are still being my number one biggest supporters.
They brought Lena home from a gymnastics meet one night, her tongue a brilliant blue from cotton candy, and she bounds into the house to greet me, jubilantly saying, “Mom, my tongue is duke blue.”
Whoa there kiddo, let’s take this a little slower. Mommy’s got 20+ years of indoctrination against duke university to work through.
But having a family that is happy and proud of you is a great place to start.
(I still cannot for the life of me bring myself to actually capitalize “duke university”, which is a step up from spelling it “dook”.)
I’m going to duke! I’m so excited.
Except tonight, I hope everyone at duke cries like little tiny babies are our Tar Heels crush, crush! I say, the hopes and dreams of seth curry and ryan kelly and all the overpriviledged new jersey undergrads who couldn't get into a real ivy league school.
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