Picture of maturity

Sometimes I wish that reading aloud burns calories. Lena now has this great bedtime routine that involves me reading to her for an hour until she falls asleep. I have discovered that I'm actually able to use this time for something other than reading. When I'm reading say, Peter Pan for the 24th time, I've discovered that my mind can start to wander, and I can think of other things, and then every now and then I am jolted back into the story with no memory of the previous pages. Once, I actually thought I skipped a page, and when I went back Lena said that, no, I had read that page already. Weird right? Reading blackouts? Does anyone else get these?

The other thing I've found myself doing, is finding the most innocuous sentences from Lena's books and turning them into something far more salacious.

(This kind of is like in the app Draw Something. EVERYTHING LOOKS SO PHALLIC TO ME.)

My favorites are from Green Eggs and Ham. Spoiler alert Sam is trying to get Our Hero to try green eggs and ham, and the nameless main character doesn't want to try them. Sam then proceeds to pedantically offer many different scenarios in which our Main Character would want to try green eggs and ham.

Then this line appears:

Would you, could you with a goat?
I would not could not with a goat.

HA! Get it? He would not could not with a goat. Hahahahahaha. It never fails!

Then from The Butter Battle Book, in which there exists the intrinsic prejudice between Yooks and Zooks, and Dr. Seuss tries to illuminate how arbitrary our distinctions are between people, and why all kinds of warfare are ultimately counter-productive. (He fails at this, with regards to Lena. Lena proudly names herself a Yook, because she indeed eats bread with the butter side up.)

But then there is this gem of a line, as Our Hero the Grandfather is about to drop the bitsy big boy boomeroo onto the Zooks, but then he sees Van Itch jump up on the wall with a bitsy big boy boomeroo as well:


"I'll blow you," he yelled "into pork and wee beans!"

teehee.

He said, I'll blow you.

That's it, I'm done here.

Who ever decided to give me a kid (Don't answer that.)

And come on! Everyone else is thinking this, right?? I can't be the only one.