i hope you remember this

In the hot tub, Mikey asks Lena, What do you think you will remember about this time in twenty years.

I hope it is this. The endless joke telling. The laughter. Late summer nights. The five people on a three-person couch and the singing and the dancing and Lena, this is what it is liked to be loved unconditionally. To be accepted unconditionally. Lena this is true friendship and I wonder if you will remember this.

And for me, on the way home, after Lena has fallen asleep and the windows are down and I slowly turn the music up, up, up and it's Kendrick Lamar singing I love myself and I hope that I remember this. This unconditional self love. This acceptance. And this is the way home. However hard it gets however angry or sad or frustrated or scared, this is the way home, and even though it's been a long time, even if I've been away for a while, I have never forgotten the way home.

Teaser

This post is a teaser for a longer post filled with pictures and wonderful things, but I just had to get this down.

I was talking with Rachel Valentine about the prospect of moving to California or Colorado or anywhere, and I was saying that whatever happens I'll rise to the occasion because, you know, what's the worst that could happen?

And then Rachel says, "And when you found out you were pregnant, you never imagined that you wouldn't rise to the occasion then," and she's right, and four years later, I don't even remember how freaked out I was, and I'm sure I thought that I couldn't do it, and what the hell was happening, and four years later, it's not even a blip on the radar. Because of course I did rose, there was never the possibility of not rising.