so many things

I've been wanting so badly to sit down and write, but for what feels like the first time in a lot more times to come, there just isn't time. 

I'm moving tomorrow.

I saw my friend Mikey last week, and I said, I can't believe it's happening so fast. And he said, Yeah, that's what happens when you actually do what you've been talking about doing. I laughed, of course, because it's so true, but it also didn't occur to me until later (much later) that hey, I've got a lot of people rooting for me. And a lot of people who have been listening to me talk about wanting to move out and be on my own, and now that time has come. So...yeah. I'm doing it.

I did realize something. I suck at packing! I might have an anxiety disorder! Why can I get nothing done! Why can I make no decisions right now!

My mind is only thinking in lists. I walk from my car to work, from work to car, car to daycare, and my mind has this constant litany throbbing in my mind. Toys, books, kitchen. And then the need list: toilet paper, detergent, garbage bags. (Oh yeah I need to bring garbage bags from home when I move in tomorrow.)

I MOVE OUT TOMORROW. I'm not sure I even realize how big this is. It only took me five goddamn years, but I am finally moving out of my parents house. I'm moving out of my parents house!

Oh, and it's springtime, finally. Somewhere between the endless lists and the one line of Macklemore's 'Thrift Shop' that runs through my head ("I'm gonna pop some tags, only got twenty dollars in my pocket"), the old me pops through. 

Yup. Still got it. 

Happy spring y'all. 

**

Oh one last thing. I used to think that fall was my favorite season. Because fall is edgy, and summer ends, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, and sweaters and layering and all that. But man, after a long winter? Anyone that doesn't love spring is probably a psychopath, that's all I'm saying. 

new home resolutions

I’m moving out with Lena in less than a month (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and I didn’t make new years resolutions this year because of reasons, so it seems like a mighty good idea to make new home resolutions.

So here we go.

1. Buy less stuff.

I’m taking like, 1/10th of what I own to this new place, so it’s going to be decidedly clutter free. On top of being on a budget (because for three months there will be rent AND daycare costs and maybe sometime we can talk about how it is virtually impossible for a single working parent to save for any kind of future?) I just want to minimize the crap in my life. Literally. So this means no impulse toy buys for L, and definitely no impulse clothes/shoes/nail polish buys for me. Plus I have no excuses on this. I have enough shoes to last me a lifetime, and I have a bathing suit I like. What else does a girl need for the summer?

2. Clean a little every day.

Let me tell you a story about my bathroom sink.

Lena has decided that she is a “big girl” so she no longer needs a stool to brush her teeth which means when she spits out her toothpaste it usually goes all in the sink, and if that, it always sticks very high on the sides of the sink, and I’m usually distracted or something, so I let it dribble down the sides, where it dries. Repeat this every day, twice a day. After a month or so of this, I get really pissed off and have to scrub my sink clean. It has only just occurred to me that if I cleaned it a little every day, I wouldn’t not be stuck scraping toothpaste out of the sink. This is probably a really good metaphor for everything in my life, so I’ll start with the bathroom sink, and maybe I’ll also write up my methods and my data as I produce them and be a really productive graduate student.

3. No electronic devices from 6-9 PM.

This is going to be the hardest one. It doesn’t really need an explanation. Living on my own with Lena is going to be a big change. There’s not three adults ready to talk and to play and to engage her. There’s going to be me. (...cue me getting freaked out again...) This is going to be a big change for me on so many levels, the least of which is studying for class again agghhhh (CLASS my achilles heel) so when I’m home on the weekdays, I want to focus on hanging out and feeding my daughter. I’m not barring books, magazines, or newspapers, or ignoring my daughter for an adult conversation, I think her seeing me read and ignore her will do great things for her self esteem. I just...do not need to be playing Clash of Clans, well, ever really, but that’s another story.